A coffee so rich it reminds you of cigarettes.

I'm not talking about cheap cigarettes. I'm talking about the ones in the gold packet that your ex used to buy for you. The one's you have on special occasions or when you're feeling sad and can afford them.
The coffee doesn't taste like cigarettes, of course. But the taste is so strong; you can taste the beans in it. Not like the instant crap you have at work. It's just like the first drag of those cigarettes that tasted so much better but you could barely afford.
It transports you to where you want to be. For me, it's sitting in a rooftop garden on top of your little city apartment. There's no work tomorrow, there's no commitments, and there's no worries. It's dark, apart from the lights of the city that bounce off the river and play with the moon in it's reflection. The air is slightly chilly. You don't need a coat, but your favourite thick-knit jumper is keeping you toasty. There's some 80's rock power ballads playing faintly in the background because you've left the record playing inside. It mixes in with a few faint sirens but not loud enough to distract you from the thought that you've finally made it. You're where you want to be. You stopped letting things get in the way. You take a deep breath in and fill your lungs with the sharp, cold air before your friends come out to join you. You wouldn't be where you are now without them. How corny, but it's true. They stood the test of time.
And of course, you're drinking the most perfectly rich coffee and smoking the cigarettes from the gold packet. Not the same kind your ex used to buy you, though.

September: New Music

This is a post I've been working on since I started this blog. I'm aiming to make monthly music posts, as I explained in this post.

Let's just get straight into it.

Honey Blood.

An indie duo from Glasgow that I discovered about a week ago. I don't quite know how to describe them, but their song 'Biro' makes me feel like I should be standing in a field in the middle of October, throwing leaves into the air, wearing dark lipstick and just being an all round autumn-indie cliché.
Biro is a song I've really connected to recently, and iTunes tells me I've listened to this song over 40 times since l last week.
"All the pain you've been through will be the making of you."
A line from this song that if I were to get song lyrics tattooed to my body, would be a very high contender.
"All Dragged Up", "Bud" and "Choker" are also some favourites.

White Lies.

I'm in love with this band. For a while, I've been trying to get one of my best friends Hilary to listen to these guys because I knew they'd be right up her street. And I'm glad to say, that she loved them. She said they remind her of Joy Devision, but for me, they remind me a lot of the film Donnie Darko. And yes, I know, Joy Devision are on the soundtrack for that film, but they also remind me of "The Killing Moon" by Echo & The Bunnymen. I'll be honest, I'm not sure why - they only sound slightly similar. I think it's the lead singer's sultry voice from White Lies. I just feel like I should be stargazing whenever I hear them. I've been listening to them a lot at work recently because the day seems to go a lot faster, My favourite track is "Getting Even" from their album "Big TV."
You should also listen to "Farewell To The Fairground", "Death" and "First Time Caller".

In The Valley Below.

I'll admit it. This is a very poorly researched band. I downloaded one track, fell in love with it, and put exploring their back catalogue onto my list of things to do when I have the time. Until then, I really recommend you listen to the track "Peaches" and forgive me for not looking a little closer at this amazing LA based duo (see, you can forgive me, I did a little research).

Klangkarussell.

Time for something completely different. A pair of Austrian guys making electronic music who have been keeping me awake during early mornings. "Moments" is quite possibly my favourite of their tracks. They've been making me feel quite relaxed and fresh. Another one I can't quite explain. Just give them a listen. I'm positive you'll like them.
If you like that, "Berlin", "All Eyes On You" and "Symmetry" are also very good.

"Are you going goth now?"

This is a question I've heard a lot recently. There are some people in this world who need to put you in a box, and when you climb out of your box to explore new avenues they don't quite know how to handle it.

Yes, I do wear an awful lot of black. But I always have. Granted in the more recent summers I've worn a bit of colour, but yes, as a rule: I wear a lot of black. It suits me and I like it.
I wear a lot of black lace, I wear black boots, I wear chokers and I wear purple lipsticks. I also listen to a lot of heavy rock/metal/screamo music. But if you look at the other stuff I listen to, you'll see it's not confined to that.

Please don't try to put me in a box. I love gothic style and some of my personality traits could reflect that, but there's so much more going on with me, and I don't need you to define what kind of person I am.

Don't put people in boxes. We aren't dolls.

Follow Me Down To The Red Oak Tree

This isn't really a normal kind of blog post. Normally, I'll really talk about something. But this time, I just want to acknowledge the fact that tomorrow is September 4th. I don't want to say that this is a significant day. Every day is significant to someone out there. So I'll just say that it's a thing for me.
I'm currently sitting in bed listening to James Vincent McMorrow on repeat and it's finally feeling like Autumn. If you're struggling to picture Autumn right now because the weather is still all over the place, then close your eyes and listen to this song. I recommend  you put it on repeat a couple of times, think about the smell of bonfires and the golden hues of the leaves beneath your feet.

If you like this, I'd also suggest listening to "From The Woods!!" and "We Don't Eat."

I'm going to meditate a little before I go to bed.

Katie Jane Ross: A Eulogy

Please don't panic. This is a Eulogy to the person I used to be. A thank you from the person I am now.

You lost your identity round about the age of 13. You'd been through a lot of friendship groups, you'd been bullied a lot and you were not comfortable in your own skin. You went through a lot in the space of 12 months. Your last year at High School was a whirlwind and by the end of it, you were no closer to finding out who you were.

By the age of 15, you'd met your oldest friend. Someone you still hold dear and always will. Looking back, you'll always regret how hard you were on him. But when you barely know who you are, it's difficult to have people around you who know you better than you know yourself. And it's in the past now, so it's forgiven. You aren't that person now.

You went through the mill when at 16 you started to have panic attacks. You had no idea that anxiety disorders existed until almost 3 years later. You were in serious denial about where you were in life and you were not ready to accept the fact you were falling into an abyss. You made stupid mistakes. You had nights where you didn't remember a lot and you barely slept for 2 years.

By 18, you'd started making a positive journey in moving forward. You got a lot of stupid behaviour out of your system before meeting some of the most important people in your life as of September 2011. By the time of your 19th birthday, things started to fall into place. You were still nowhere near where you needed to be, but you were finally on your way. You were still making embarrassing memories, saying the wrong things in an attempt to fit in, and you were still experimenting with certain aspects of your personality.

Remember the anime phase? You went all out on that one. Your whole tumblr was pastel. Cringe.

Your 20th summer provided some, er.. awkward memories for all your friends. But unlike all the ones that had left before, they stuck around (both the friends and the awkward memories that is). That's when you knew the friends you had made were here to stay. They were the best people you'd ever meet in your life and there was no way you'd ever let any of them go. Never.

By the time you turned 21, you were almost at your destination. You still had a few more lessons, memories and mistakes to make. You started learning how to deal with your anxiety that would provide many more hurdles in months to come, and you felt emotions you hadn't always believed in. You had your heart broken, and you taped it back together again.

And this. This was the turning point. This was when you had a long hard look at yourself and you decided to start being the person you always longed to be. The person you deserved to be.

And I can tell you now, if 13 year old you could see where you are now, they'd be okay with the next few years ahead. They'd be okay with the people who'll let them down, because they'll make way for the people who will stick by you forever: Luke, Hilary, Lee, Gabby and more. They'd be okay with what felt like the marathon of college courses because they'll know they'll take them to the mindset you're in now. They'd be fine with the shitty jobs you have because they funded some amazing memories and soon enough, they're going to fund more.

Old Katie: the lost girl with no sense of direction. Part of you still lives on in me. You're the lessons that I've learnt, the memories I've made, the same sense of humour and the amazing taste in film and music. But you're not with us in the physical sense. The new Katie looks very similar to you, but she smiles a lot more. She wakes up in the mornings and she's so fucking ready for everything. She doesn't take shit from anyone and she's confident in what she's doing and where she's going. She thinks about you a lot, and she thanks you for everything you did for her.

Thank you to my old self for making me the person I am today.

This weekend.

I guess it all started on Friday night, as most people's weekends do. There was a series of events over the past few weeks that by Friday night, ended in me having a conversation with my ex for the first time since we split up. I guess I've been a little bit scared to talk to him. I was still a little angry, and I didn't want that to spill out. I wanted to be calm and collected. But unfortunately, due to some trouble I've been having all week with my hip and my knee, I was about doubled over on Naproxen. It wasn't my finest hour from a literary perspective. However, I'm still proud of myself. I didn't say anything I shouldn't, it wasn't awkward (I don't think so anyway) and most importantly, I wasn't overwhelmed with emotions. I felt very detached from him, as if nothing was ever there. On some levels I guess that's a little sad, but I'm happy to be able to move on from that time of my life. I felt a little sorry for him, due to the previously mentioned series of events, but other than that; nothing.
By Saturday morning, I was feeling a lot better. The pain in my hip had miraculously dwindled. I had brown cinammon sugar pop tarts for breakfast with really good coffee while I listened to the Pet Shop Boys and played GTAV.  During which, I had a quick little scroll through my twitter feed only to see that Tonight Alive and One OK Rock were planning on touring around Europe together this December. I instantly told my very good friend, Lee, who I knew would want to go. Unfortunately, the tickets for London were all sold out. But then Lee & I had a look to see who else would be touring in the UK soon, and we stumbled upon a Crossfaith gig at Koko in November. My best friend Hilary also likes them so the three of us have bought tickets and I am so excited to see them!
Hilary & I are going to see Darlia at the end of September in Nottingham. In February this year, we went to see The 1975 supported by Wolf Alice and The Neighbourhood in Norwich. Granted, Hilary only came because I wanted to go, and my motives were only for The Neighbourhood. But Wolf Alice were also amazing and we left half way through The 1975's set and we had a fantastic night.
Anyway, back to this weekend, after booking the tickets, I finally jumped in the shower and afterwards decided to chalk my hair. I'd bought some pink chalks and I'd been saving them, but I was just so excited and on such a high thinking about all of my plans for the next few months, I wanted to do it.
I used different shades of pink and some lilac stripes through it all. I love it so much, that I've actually decided to dye it like this permanently. My cousin, who is incidentally my hairdresser, is on holiday at the moment. But when I have a little bit of cash and she's back, I'm going to ask her to dye it for me.
Today I spent the morning focussing on tidying things up. I'm currently listening to Royal Blood's new album which is amazing and I'm feeling really good.

My Not So Secret Hatred For Keyboard Warriors.

The Urban Dictionary Definition of 'Keyboard Warrior':

1. A Person who, being unable to express his anger through physical violence (owning to their physical weakness, lack of bravery and/or conviction in real life), instead manifests said emotions through the text-based medium of the internet, usually in the form of aggressive writing that the Keyboard Warrior would not (for reasons previously mentioned) be able to give form to in real life.

2. The term is a combination of the word 'keyboard' (the main tool by which the person expresses his/her latent rage) and 'warrior' (due to the warrior-like aggression, tendency towards violence, headstrong nature and propensity towards brute force as a means of resolving conflict rather than more subtle means dependant on finesse).

3. The Keyboard Warrior seeks to use the power imbued in his 'weapon' to effect death and destruction (in a strictly-metaphorical sense) upon his foes (other virtual identities he has encountered on the internet). In essence, the keyboard (ie. text input ability) allows the keyboard warrior to manifest his true warrior nature in a safe and removed environment, from which no real-life repercussions .

4. Keyboard Warriors are generally identified by unnecessary rage in their written communications, and are regarded as 'losers' by other virtual identities on the internet.



My own definition of a 'Keyboard Warrior':

Someone who spends the majority of their time hidden behind the keyboard. Who incessantly tweets and posts random shit that winds you up the wall. Whether it's an unwanted opinion or some kind of warped self representation of themselves, keyboard warriors can't help but ruin your evening by flooding your Facebook with loved up statuses to their partners (this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't every five minutes of the day) or set you up in a bad mood for the morning by tweeting something so incredibly stupid that you can't quite comprehend how they manage to spell their own name. Keyboard warriors aren't necessarily always angry, in my opinion, sometimes they're just cocky.

Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have provided us with fantastic opportunities to share happy moments with our friends and family, jokes with people from a similar outlook in life and up to date news and trends like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Unfortunately there are those that don't use these sites in this way. There are those that publicly announce every upset of their life and manipulate situations to create drama and to get some twisted form of sympathy. These are my least favourite kind of people. 

I don't know, I guess I'm just sick of people who put a front on over the internet and then when you see them in person are not only completely different, but also incredibly annoying to look at because of how much they annoy you whenever you go to see what your friends are up to. There's nothing wrong with having opinions, being yourself, having a joke around, but some people just seem to have the habit to be able to do this in the most irritating way possible.